5 out of 12

Is this my quarter-life crisis dawning on me?

I’ve been overthinking every decision I make, carefully planning my next move, making sure I set myself up to progress for the rest of my life.

That’s it. Everything I do, from this point forward, feels like it’s going to affect me for the rest of my life. I find myself having to ask questions like ‘Is this choice going to benefit me long-term? Is this a good investment in the long run?’

It feels like I can’t allow myself room for failure anymore. Like, I should be preparing myself to take things seriously now, right? After all, I had all the chances & freedom in my early 20s… right?

I don’t think a traffic light hits yellow before it turns green but, it’s like that. It’s as if I’ve reached a yellow traffic light, and I’m doing everything I can to get ready for green. Because in this journey, there’s no turning back.

The fear of fucking my life up weighs heavier lately. Anyone wiser would probably say I need to calm the fuck down. “Just be in the moment, enjoy life with all the struggles that come and go”. But I’m overwhelmed. I feel like I’m in the formative months of all the major life decisions — career, friendships, relationships.

I used to want to get married early. I thought, by this time, I’d be in a cozy New York apartment with the love of my life, with a cute dog he’d convince me to adopt. For obvious reasons, that’s not happening anytime soon lol. And logically, I should be able to get the picture — that life isn’t always going to go as planned. And we just have to trust the perfect timing of things.

However.. dear reader, there’s something comforting with having things planned out, don’t you think? There is a sense of practical stability with wanting your life mapped out for the next 5 to 10 years. So hear I am, treading though my quarter-life, building foundations on plans to pursue higher education, investing in properties and building my design portfolio.

Wonder how that’s gonna pan out.

Cheers to anxiety-induced thoughts and the need to seem reputably stable.